And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop
by Charlotte88
Summary: One-shot. "Sometimes it's better to put your heart on the line, to jeopardise everything you know to be true, to take the gamble despite the possibility of adverse consequences..."


**And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop**

"_I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong. I've known it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong."  
_- 'Make You Feel My Love' by Adele

To say you've had a crap week would be an understatement. You hate those cases that get under your skin; and you, Harry Cunningham, pride yourself in not letting that happen very often. But, of course, it's all part of the job. Sometimes, investment is unavoidable. It's when the investment leads to nightmares, that's when you know that it's all getting a bit too much.

You were no stranger to nightmares this week. Nikki wasn't either. She may not have told you outright, but you recognised the shadows under her eyes.

Which is why you're in the car now, with her quietly dozing in the passenger seat next to you. It's Friday, and Leo's decided that you deserve the day off. So you drove straight to her apartment, told her to shove some shoes on, and dragged her to the car. You didn't tell her where you're taking her, and you know she's enjoying the suspense.

After about an hour on the motorway, you arrive. It's a small, deserted beach that lays beyond some sloping, grassy sand dunes. The steely grey sea looks cold and uninviting under the purple sky that's threatening rain, with the waves rolling and breaking on the light sand and seagulls squawking overhead, yet there's something so beautiful about the power of nature.

You turn to Nikki and smile at the way her blonde curls have fallen across her face. Fighting the urge to brush them away from her eyes, you instead gently squeeze her hand and murmur that you've arrived.

She stirs and looks confused for a moment. Then her eyes catch the sight before her through the windscreen and her face lights up. "The sea?"

You nod, a grin gracing your lips. You don't have to say anything else, neither of you do.

Climbing out of the car, you meet her in front of the bonnet. She tucks her hair behind her ear and inhales deeply, her lips curled upwards in the first smile you've seen her wear for days.

"Come on," she giggles, and before you know it she's flying down the small sand dunes and towards the mass of churning water. Following her, you half-slide and half-run down the dune before taking a moment to observe her.

She's never looked more beautiful, you realise. Her soft curls are being whipped around her head in the wind as she spins and twirls, her face caught in gentle laughter. She catches sight of you watching her, a small smile on your lips which you make no attempt to conceal, and runs back over to you.

"Come _on_," she repeats, grabbing your hand. You chuckle as she drags you closer to the sea. It's when you notice her removing her shoes and socks as you approach that your smile vanishes and you fall back.

"Oh no. It will be freezing, Nikki!"

"Harry!" she whines. "You can't come all this way and not paddle!"

"Oh, I'm sorry if I'd rather not lose my feet to frostbite," you groan, but all the same you kick off your shoes and socks, too, leaving a peculiar trail behind you up the beach.

Her grip tightens on your fingers as you approach the edge, and you both simultaneously grin nervously as the wave rolls in and then yell in shock as it breaks over your feet, swallowing them in icy water. Laughing loudly, the pair of you run away from the chasing waves, grabbing your belongings and pulling them on haphazardly. The instant warmth on your feet is soothing and slows you to a halt so that you can catch your breath.

Nikki stops too, just a few metres in front of you, giggling as she watches you struggle to do up your laces with your frozen fingers. There's a thunderous rumble above your heads and you both look up just in time to see the flash of lightening, shortly followed by the gentle patter of rain, which quickly turns into a heavy downpour.

You swear under your breath and straighten up. Squinting through the torrent of water that's surprisingly painful against the top of your head, you frown when you spot Nikki standing with her arms outstretched, her face tilted upwards towards the sky.

"Nikki? What are you doing? Come on, let's go back to the car!" you yell in her direction, hoping the wind won't blow your voice off course.

"Don't you just find it so refreshing?" she calls back. "It gives you so much clarity!"

Personally, you don't share her enthusiasm. You're cold and you're soaking. The car is calling to you invitingly from the other side of the beach, above the dunes.

Hurrying towards her, you stop in front of her and gently place a hand on her arm. "We need to get to the car before we drown," you tell her, but then you notice that it's not just raindrops falling down her cheeks, but tears. "Nikki, what is it?"

"Why can't the world be perfect, Harry?" she asks seriously, gazing right at you now. "Why can't everything go right and be how everyone wants it to be?"

"Because then everyone would be weak and naïve. If you really want something, you have to work to make it happen. I know, why don't we discuss it in the car?"

Her brows contract. "Work to make it happen?"

You sigh, resigning yourself to the fact that you weren't going to be getting dry any time soon. "If everyone just got everything they wanted, then where would the satisfaction be? Life would be boring. Easy is tedious."

"But you can lose everything trying to get what you want," she mutters, and you have to strain to hear her over the sound of the wind.

"Yes, and you have to hope that you're strong enough to get through it, to allow the downfall to _make_ you stronger. But if you don't take the risk in the first place, then how will you know? Sometimes it's better to put your heart on the line, to jeopardise everything you know to be true, to take the gamble despite the possibility of adverse consequences – because if it works, if you get what you want, then surely that's got to be the most amazing feeling in the world?"

There's a curious expression on her face now, like she's seriously considering what you said. Which in itself is surprising, as you're not entirely sure how much sense you made.

You notice she can no longer look you in the eye when she next speaks. "But ... but what if you take the gamble and push away the person that you need the most? What if your whole life depends so much on that person, that the idea of them not being there tears you apart?"

There's a sudden swooping feeling inside of you, like a pebble has dropped to the bottom of your stomach. "Nikki..."

"What if you put your heart on the line, only to have it broken by the one person who you never thought would be the one to do so?" she whispers. "What if you ruin a friendship that's so close you talk about everything, except for the blazingly obvious?"

"Nikki..." you attempt again, although you're not sure what you want to say.

"Or what if you do take the risk, and it does pay off, but then everything falls apart after a week, or a month, and suddenly you find yourself alone and wishing you'd never done anything in the first-"

You couldn't bear her ramblings any longer. Before you even register what you're doing, your lips are crushed to hers and your hands are either side of her face, her skin cold with rain. A small noise of surprise escapes her and you make to pull away, but you find that the fingers buried in your hair are preventing you from doing so. And you also find that you don't mind.

Everything about her is soft and squirming. She collapses against you as you deepen the kiss and her knees give way. Gently, you wrap your arms around her waist and hold her tightly against your torso, as you kiss her in the way that you've always wanted to kiss her.

You're not sure how much time passes – it could have been minutes, it could have been days – but eventually you reluctantly break apart. Foreheads pressed against each other, for neither of you are quite ready to let go of the physical contact, nothing is immediately shared but a smile.

Nikki is first to break the silence. "Can we go home now?"

You're unable to prevent the roll of your eyes. "You could have asked that twenty minutes ago before the rain actually reached the _inside_ of my boxers."

She giggles. "Well, twenty minutes ago I wasn't feeling so keen to rush home." She quickly presses a succession of kisses across your jaw and then whispers in your ear, "Now I am."

Grinning, you weave your fingers through hers and together you walk back towards the car.

"I'm glad you made the gamble," you mutter, feeling her head turn to look at you.

"Me too," she replies. "I thought it was time one of us did."

* * *

**Another one-shot written at two in the morning (hence any typos). There must be something about insomnia that provokes my creative side. ;)**

**I hope you like it. It's a bit cheesy, but never mind. **

**Charlotte  
xxx **


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